How to order a beer

You're probably used to the sofa bar where you order fifteen dollar mixed drinks and lounge on a couch discussing Sex and the City with a chubby female co-worker.

It's time you went to happy hour and ordered a beer. There's a few things you need to know first, though. When you initially arrive and take your seat at the bar, make sure you glance down at what's on tap. This will avoid you ordering a type of beer they don't have. See, you Metros think that when you order a beer they don't have it makes you look sophisticated. Actually, it makes you look like a tool.

If you slip into your old ways and accidentally order a "Stella Artois" in a place with peanut shells on the floor, you can recover. The key is to act surprised, and then really disappointed. Say, "Really, you don't have that anymore? Must have been on special" and quickly order something else with a settling tone in your voice. "Miller Lite.....i guess". See what you did there? You managed to make it look like they USED to have that pretentious stuff and that Miller Lite was just going to have to suffice.

I don't care what they do in restaurtants, do NOT put salt on your napkin to stop it from sticking. Guys should know how to stop it from sticking. Pull it off the fucking glass, wad it up in a ball, and hit your friend in the nuts with it.

This is alot for you to handle, so I'll let you digest it. More on true beer consumption later.