The Rules of Beer Pong

The Rules of Beer Pong are an essential knowledge that all men must possess. I'll even grant you some lenience here to call it Beirut. Guys who went to schools like Villanova and Cal will call it Beirut so they sound more intelligent. They also like to throw in fruity rules like if you knock over the water cup you have to pee with the door open next time. Disgraceful. Don't take part in their grab ass style games.

Real men play Australian style - which is to say, you drink every time you throw a miss. Let me tell you, that will get you fucked up.

I'm not going to outline the whole thing for you - I don't have that kind of time. Just go out and do your research. But, if you want to hang with the boys, there's a few things you should focus on.

1. Consolidation - nothing betrays your Beer Pong ignorance like not knowing when to rearrange - especially as a courtesy to the other team. Learn this and learn it well.

2. Throwing style - girls throw with a 5 finger grip as if they're tossing a marble into a test tube. Guys throw it with a huge rainbow arch - and try to put as much show into it as you can. It makes you look like a professional. But if you ham it up and miss, you'll look like a Douche.

3. Wash the ball - little known fact - dipping a ping pong ball into a cup of dirty water instantly sterilizes it. Don't cringe when you do this.

4. Drink your beer, Puss. Don't pass it to your partner; that's what chicks do.

5. Act like you been there -- don't jump up and down shouting when you hit a cup. A slight fist pump or "there you go" is acceptible. But if you start celebrating too early you're just hurting yourself.